I'm very glad to hear that you kept the "after you listen to this recording, you'll notice that I have a strong accent" line. I also thought it was smart of you to suggest that she's clearly embarrassed about her accent, even though others think it's "cute." I enjoyed hearing her interact with patrons (or co-workers).
I think you could stand to trim this a little more—perhaps you could remove some of her back story? It's nice to hear, but it may distract the listener from the heart of the piece.
I really really liked this piece, but I think there's a point where I lose focus - it definitely needs to be cut down. I like her accent and the way you handled it...keep up the good work!
I think you've made good headway with the piece, but I definitely think you could cut it down at least another minute...
I agree with Ellie that some of her back story could be cut, although it's interesting that she semi-equates her "in the middleness" with the English language to her "medium income".
I would say a place to start cutting would be some of the pauses, which I'm sure are there for a reason, but seem too long at times.
Other than that, really nice piece! I love the subject matter.
I'm very glad to hear that you kept the "after you listen to this recording, you'll notice that I have a strong accent" line. I also thought it was smart of you to suggest that she's clearly embarrassed about her accent, even though others think it's "cute." I enjoyed hearing her interact with patrons (or co-workers).
ReplyDeleteI think you could stand to trim this a little more—perhaps you could remove some of her back story? It's nice to hear, but it may distract the listener from the heart of the piece.
I really really liked this piece, but I think there's a point where I lose focus - it definitely needs to be cut down. I like her accent and the way you handled it...keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey,
ReplyDeleteI think you've made good headway with the piece, but I definitely think you could cut it down at least another minute...
I agree with Ellie that some of her back story could be cut, although it's interesting that she semi-equates her "in the middleness" with the English language to her "medium income".
I would say a place to start cutting would be some of the pauses, which I'm sure are there for a reason, but seem too long at times.
Other than that, really nice piece! I love the subject matter.